cluelessness leads to flapping... flapping leads to dampening...
dampening leads to suffering
-#cisco pimps
"where is she at?" Don't you know not to end a sentence with a
preposition. From now on if you catch yourself ending a sentence with a
preposition you must add the word "bitch" to the end -
"where is she at bitch?
-Anon
Some dude at the mall today had a 'got milk' type shirt that said
'got DOHC?' and all i could think was "GOT FOUR HUNDRED HORSEPOWER AND
FOUR WHEEL DRIVE YOU HONDA DRIVING MOTHERFUCKER?!?!?!" and imagined you
beating him over the head with some wuss-ass muffler.
Then i went back to my saturn and turned up the heating in my seat.
That story is your christmas gift. merry christmas.
-anon (weaseling out of giving me a present)
Me: Anon, whats up tonight?
Anon: trax0rs
Anon: gotte two lazer pointerz?
Anon: one dot, one line?
Me: gotte laser and 3 glow stick?
Me: how is the music?
Anon: ah, you have two excellent choices
Anon: 1. "industrial"
Anon: read: gay ass synth pop
Anon: 2. "techno"
Anon: read crap, but at least it has a beat and the chicks have
flat stomachs
-Anon
The irony is that, we subtly contribute to this by helping
to build network and organization infrastructure which
supports a highly networked economy. We think we're doing
better because our salaries go up and up and up, when in fact,
we spend more and more of our income at... amazon.com.
translation: less money now than when I was flat broke.
-Anon
You know why last night was cool? Last night was cool because I got to
say "I have firewall-1 in my pants and I'm not happy to see you"
-Anon
Philly sucked, I'm sorry, but too many vampires and not enough
stakes, you know what im saying?
-Acumen (tour diary post... 5.28.96)
HATE DEPT. will always be cool. Seibold isn't some whiney little puke,
feeling all sorry for himself and putting himself down. he puts OTHER
people down. trent is a cool guy, i know, but he's the poster boy
for an embittered generation of self-destructive pee-ons.
-AggroChik
"Hate to break it to ya babs, but there ARE some people who come to
the klub to hear "old school industrial" the way it was intended to be
heard: thru earplugs"
-The Angelus
This has been a test of the emergency hate network. If
this had been a real emergency, you would now be impaled on
your own severed arm.
-Mark Argent
For most people's musical palette's, familiarity breeds content.
-Stephen J. Arthur
"Pain is temporary, quitting lasts forever."
- Lance Armstrong
"The venture will be profitable from day one"
-Michael Armstrong (announcing the Concert deal)
Bloodlust. Healing dosen't do shit when you're already dead.
-Brad Bachman on why Orcs rock in warcraft
You thinking about smoking off the MPLS hookah?
-Brook Bailey (to me, when we were discussing jobs)
You must realize that many people on this list are both artists, and
computer people, and so they are inherently better than you. Artist is
usually just an alias for "unskilled loser."
-Anon (flaming Stefanie S on the shadowscene list)
If you knew him, in the biblical sense, you'd call him "daddy."
-Anon (continues the flaming)
When someone proclaims that you need to be BROWNUL8D, ANAL RAPED, or
generally defiled, you can't retort with comments such as "mine's not for
that," or "none for me," or general comments that imply CHOICE.
If ANAL RAPE were consensual, then it would be reduced to random
BUTTLUST.
-Anon (on a roll)
Whats with the fucking art fag approach to web design,
fucking minimalists. I'm gonna shove a maximalist headache
boot up their clinchy ass. Need a like 24 point font with a
link that says "review bitch for sexual usefulness"
-Anon (raging)
Man is a virus. You cant legislate peace.
-Anon
HELL IS THE DEAFENING ROAR OF PEERS
HELL IS THE BROADBAND NOISE OF MARKETED DEISRE
HELL IS THE WHISPER OF GENETIC DUTY
-Anon
"There is a difference between making something foolproof and
reducing the number of fools"
-Bill Barns
"I'm a whiny bitch but I'm making a million dollars..."
"I can't stop singing this trash but I'm popular..."
-Mark Beeson (On Alanis)
BIG HINT: when your keyboard goes sprawling across the stage and
you aren't playing it, yet the keyboard _and_ bass lines (nevermind
that you don't have a bassist) continue to play, and your lead
singer drops his mic but the vocals continue on, it isn't blind
luck.
-Mark Beeson (On why Gravity Kills Sucks)
"Life is hard. Its harder when you're stupid."
-Joe Bednorz
One day.....it'll happen. A bunch of us kept nrrrrds (employed by only
one company) will be in a locked, windowless room with a bunch of
consultants. The consultants will be babbling incoherently about the
"infobahn" "cyberculture" "cyberspace" "surfing tha web" and "interactive
marketing." And there will be blunt weapons in that room.
And the festivities will begin.
-Mike "Supernaut" Belt
You want a good comparison to Cais Internet? Two tin cans and a
string. Minus one of the cans. Vijay, quotesfile that.
-Mike Belt
I'm building hashes of hashes with arrays of pointers to satan
-Mike Belt
This would be the ideal time for my favorite party
activity....ANAL RAPE.
-Mike "Supernaut" Belt
Vijay, it's not that you have no class. It's that you (and i) have no
shame. We are the reality police.
-Mike "Supernaut" Belt
Sins Chylde: I was wondering,what is that goth code you all use?
We could tell you, but then we'd have to kill you.
Here's a starter for you.....I'll tell ya what mine means,
see if you can decode it.
Mine means "I like to be vomited on while wearing a clown suit and
slapping myself with broccolli and listening to Whitesnake.
The code is this:
VomClSuiWSlSelW2Broc1WsnakeX9
-Mike "Supernaut" Belt
The whole POINT of being a career problem drinker is that you
DON'T buffer your stomach with food before going on a three-day bender
-Mike Belt
Shut up, be happy. The conveniences you demanded are now mandatory.
-Jello Biafra
"This ain't the goddamn Barney show, I'm not a goddamn purple
dinosaur, and I don't give a flying fuck about your *feelings.* I don't
love you, I don't want to be your friend, and as far as I'm concerned,
caring means not setting your house on fire."
-Phil Birmingham
"Ask not what you can do for your country,
Ask what your country did to you"
-Nicole Blackman/KMFDM
Using fucking carpool lanes is the equivalent of doing
traffic eng with UBR
-Bryan S. Blank
If you bought ameritech transit, you are in a whole
differrent world of shit than the rest of us
-Bryan S. Blank
Blank: In every single person there's a bandy rush
lurkin. Blank: he might be in your exodus cage undeploying
your .com site Blank: or he might be in your parking lot
with an 802.11 card Steenbergen: driving around the
parking lot screaming I dont give a fuck with his windows down
and his 802.11 antenna up
-Bryan S. Blank
Would take some more, except gee, i don't have a laptop to
use with this nice compactflash card i have.
Seems one has to make a choice between a .forward file or a
laptop these days.
Decisions...decisions....
-Bryan S. Blank
In every single colo there's a carebear lurkin
it might be in a GBLX cage serving RANCID onto a public web page
or it might be running linux, locked down with the rack ears up,
screaming bill fumerola dont give a fuck.
-Bryan S. Blank
Blank: dude, at the end of the day, either the racks are powered or
they aren't.
Corbin: either the gear is locked in the NON-CONFORM cage or it isnt
Corbin: either the cross connects are hot, or they were sliced with a
razor
Blank: simple as that.
-Bryan S. Blank and Troy Corbin
Vijay... do you see the uselessness of any 4 year old
picture of any woman?
Do i show you picture of 7513 and say CORE ROUTER?
-Bryan S. Blank
Friend: I saw this chick at the gym. She had full on angel wings
tatooed on her back.
That's universal I18N UPC code for I'M A FUCKING FREAK. Also
ANSI Standard X.503 GIMME ATTENTION IM NEEDY
-Bryan S. Blank
Fuck menlo park. What a poor execuse for baller lifestyle. wannabe thug in french blue shirt and khakis: "menlo park is the
shit" bizdev vp in french blue shirt and khakis: "menlo park is the shit!" iCEO of promising local WCOM competitor: "menlo park is the shit!"
-Bryan S. Blank
now playing: lvlt thugz n harmony - see you at tha (3)crossroads.mp3
-Bryan S. Blank
Also this car looks MB from the front. From behind it looks like an UFO.
-Dimitar Bojantchev (on the Mercedes Benz ML - 320)
I've really enjoyed working with some of you....
-David Brookshire (at his going away lunch)
Timothy Lotz: First of all, I will start by saying that I am
a Linux user, and I know plenty about UNIX system administration.
Oh...sorry for the misunderstanding. Here I've been thinking that you
were a fuckhead all this time. Now that I know that you are a Linux
user my opinion has...well...umm....not changed in the slightest.
-David Brookshire (flaming Timothy Lotz)
He has a hold on your crotch. And he is applying crushing force.
-Chuck Burke (to jeremy)
The plan is in the works, but we have not activated the
implementation phase.
-Frank Caddeo (on wiring the dorms for ethernet)
"Noise is annoying when you try to ignore it; fascinating when you
listen to it."
-John Cage
They have cisco-like time to market without the cisco-like clout to
pull it off.
-Cantor (discussing Ascend)
God bless you Jerry. Your analogy would be relevant if a 4x4 had an aft
end that hung about 20ft past the rear wheels. I know of none.
-Carusomusi
"I dunno. I mean, one minute we were spanking each other with meat,
and the next minute it got weird!"
-CCPT
But that's what life is...a series of down endings.
-Chainsaw (Re: downbeat endings not being necessary in movies)
"There is no need for you to refer us to your lame home page."
-Ken Chen (kchen@prairienet.org)
"I don't *care* if there's been a nuclear holocaust -- Usenet News
hasn't been received for 36 hours and I'm moving to another ISP."
-Joe Chew (jtchew@netcom.com)
Of course the fuel tax in America isn't near as high as in other countries.
If the Government ever tried to do that here then those candy ass nutcases
in the militias wouldn't have to bomb federal buildings, the revolution
would have already started.
-Chris (on rec.autos.4x4, re: price of gas)
"I can really identify with video games. The more I play them,
the more I find they mirror the aggression and sex which I yearn for
in my own life."
-Paul Santa Clara
"I'm arrogant only because I am constantly bumping into so
many people like yourself on RMI who just have no clue."
-Paul Santa Clara (to ealasaid fionnghal oighrig on RMI)
PES is so elistist that I refuse to let anyone else join. Submit an
application today, and be rudely rejected because your not cool enough!
-Paul Santa Clara
"The difference between Industrial and Metal is about 2 socio-economic
classes and 20 IQ points."
-Paul Santa Clara, President of the PES
any song which causes me to cough up blood when I dance to it,
is just a damn good tune.
-Paul Santa Clara on FLA's Plasticity
The SI unit of time will be changed from the second to the length of
"Plasticity". This new unit of time will abbreviated FLA. For your
convenience, I have included the conversion to the new system.
404 seconds = 1 FLA
-Paul Santa Clara (Campaign promise if elected Asshole '96 on RMI)
I don't know how it works in DC, but up here in Philly, people who
quote the Cure aren't allowed to have opinions.
-Paul Santa Clara (on Vlad's .sig, Rec.music.industrial)
"I want control over who lives and who dies."
-Louis Clayton
It's sort of like the way that every time you jack off, you promise
yourself you're going to eat the load, but when you're done, and you
see it sitting there in your hand, it's just not appetizing anymore.
-Toby Click
"If we can't laugh at death, then we've got no business
killing people"
-Demise-o the Clown
If the enemy is in range, so are you.
Incoming fire has the right of way.
There is always a way.
The easy way is always mined.
Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.
The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
when you're ready for them, and when you're not ready for them.
Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at.
If you can't remember, then the claymore is pointed at you.
The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.
A 'sucking chest wound' is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
If your attack is going well you have walked into an ambush.
Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.
Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.
Make it tough enough for the enemy to get in and you won't be
able to get out.
Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
If you're short of everything but the enemy, you're in a combat zone.
When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.
Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.
Remember, once you pull the pin, Mr. Hand Grenade is no longer
your friend.
It's not the bullet with your name on it you have to worry about,
it's all those other ones labeled 'occupant'.
-The Laws of Combat
Comprehension is a problem here. You want to begin your paragraph with a
topic sentence, followed by two or three sentences that illustrate your
point. Your final sentence should sum up and conclude what you said.
Your above assault on English syntax should not be tolerated...
-Fran X Connor (about someone's post on RMI)
I'd rather err on the possibility of insulting someone.
-Fran X Connor (talking about a troll on RMI)
God damnit.. how many more core router startups can there be?
Fucking half my email box with every type of tree, bush, shrub, and
fruit.
-Dave Cooper
WERDUP, and if they hear nothing else, say "troy says to do this,
cuz it will make our shit rock steady" and they will act FAST.
-Troy Corbin
Of course, Bill being Bill and thus extremely cyber and quite possibly
even quantum or bio, he's probably got a manufacture date stamped on him
somewhere. Someone should check next time they tour.
-Al Crawford (commenting on Bill Leeb of FLA's age in RMI)
[Me] [Tension]... keeps you going long after the coffee has worn off.
You're obviously not making the coffee properly. Do it right and it
*doesn't* wear off. Take one cafetiere (that's French press to USAns),
grind something extremely strong very finely, allow to stew until it
begins to etch the glass of the cafetiere, drink, repeat, never sleep
or blink again.
-Al Crawford (to me in Rec.music.industrial)
I've never even been to Kentucky for God's sake. I'm not
sure I believe in it.
-Eva Crider
"Profanity is the crutch of inarticulate motherfuckers."
-K Curtis (kcurtis@emory.edu)
This thing severely violated the Rule of Complexity as applied to the
problem of improved fuel economy. The Rule of Complexity states that if an
answer seems too complicated to be the right answer, it is the wrong
answer.
-Steve Cutchen (on the GM Caddy V8-6-4 engine)
Before you know it you'll be sad enough to be hooked: a diesel
die-hard. That subdued rattling idle noise which orginally
grated the senses will sound as natural and reassuring to you
as a maternal heartbeat.
-Gary Dale
Tomorrow, I'm having a little get-together with some friends, to
mourn the loss of an excellent shooter and all-around humanitarian involved
in real-time societal evolution.
-Checkered Demon (on Charles Whitman)
Freedom of choice is what you have, freedom from choice is what you want.
-DEVO
When I was four years old they tried to test my IQ, they
showed me this picture of three oranges and a pear. They
asked me which one is different and does not belong, they
taught me different was wrong
-Ani Difranco
"Those fucking sanctimonious Vegans who cry about the poor suffering
of animals. Waahh waahh! Fuck the poor animals!
If they deserved to not be eaten, God would have given them rifles!!!"
-William Dodd
"There are a lot of people totally opposed to violence...
They're all dead."
-Doom II
Given all the viruses that come pouring through that
damn microsoft crap, they should rebrand it LookOut!
-Sean Doran
Apparently you have the attention span of a ferret on a double espreso.
-Downfall (to Digipunk on RMI)
Duckman - "It looks a lot worse than it actually is."
Cornfed - "Not unlike nipple clamps."
-Duckman
This is what I find amusing about Manson's *fans* rather than the band
itself. I see a group of fourteen year olds in the mall wearing fishnets
and Manson shirts and horrible, horrible clown makeup and I feel like
handing them a bottle of Prozac and saying "these worked for me".
-Dys (Commenting on the rabid Marilyn Manson fans)
Great ideas, in theory, should not be hampered by pesky reality.
-Dys
Driving throughPA at high speed is the psychic equivalent of taking an
SR-71 Blackbird through a flock on loose bowelled pigeons at mach 3.
-Dys
I'm as happy as a kid buried up to his neck in sand. only it's not
sand, it's candy, and it's alive!
-Chris Elliott
I miss being really mad at punk shows. I miss the innocence of pure
anger. You can never trade cynicism away.
-Erica
I would say, if you want to get EVIL it's got to be "Dance Like the
Reggae Smurf" from the Smurfs' album i got at goodwill. (shudder)
I have seen beyond eternity, to dark vistas where mad pipers
play dissonant shrieks and globulous steel-drummers beat a rhythm
that makes your mind want to snap with the horror of it all...and
i have gazed upon THE REGGAE SMURF's horrid blue form... IA!
IA SMURF XUL! IA ISHNIGGARRAB!
-Brian Farmer
"Won't you be my friend Mr. Faceless Creature of Evil?"
-Frankie Ferret to Sir Real, _Darkwing Duck_
AOL continues to send its users onto the increasingly speedy
information superhighway in brightly colored, beeping golf carts.
-Fortune Magazine
The unemployment office only gives money, not options.
-Bill Fumerola (dropping science on the tech meltdown)
Bryan Blank: overclocking leads to instability
Bryan Blank: instability leads to hate
Vijay: its getting mighty DARK in here
Fumerola: hate leads to filing PRs and using the phrase "it worked in
linux"
-Bill Fumerola
"If you think there is a solution, you're part of the problem"
-GC
Everything that is not impossible is compulsory.
-Murray Gell-Mann
Remember: Don't kill animals. Kill people.
-The Rev Dr David Gerard
You could by a cadillac, or you could buy a lazy-boy with a v-8. Same
difference....
-Nathan Gingras (dissing on a caddy)
Dharma: What is the greatest mystery of all?
Yudishthira: That each day, death walks the earth, and
we continue to live as though we were immortal.
-The Bhagvad Gita
If all goblins acted the same, one shot center mass, and they fall
down, immedately, life would be simple.
In real life, you could put several shots center mass,
before goblin could deanimate.
-GLV
"Kill every human on the planet? Sounds like a good idea!
But first, we should concentrate on more immediate goals."
-Jeffrey Goines, in 12 Monkeys
My cock is my hell.
-Randy Goldstein
Ah, but Perl isn't just another insane language, it's the insane
language of choice!
-Ken Graves
Of course, one could argue that revenue is not the proper metric
for measuring the success of a company with a potentially negative
gross margin.
-J. William Gurley
"..lava.. lava.. Lava!.. LAVA!!!" [mosh] -- The coolest
part of the Ministry show last March.
-Jason Haas
Newtonian physics: A club in motion tends to stay in motion,
unless it smacks into someone's head.
-Jason Haas
I am more retarded than I thought
-Alan Hannan
If recording with Dolby Noise Reduction on leaves you a blank tape,
then it is industrial.
-Jake Harris [discussion on what constitutes Industrial Music on RMI]
The song "Your God is Dead" is excellent music to listen
to when chasing down nuns in the Camaro.
-Jake Harris (discussing Mussolini Headkick on RMI)
Solution of the day: I don't think anybody would mind if this customer
had a fatal had a fatal "accident."
-Jonathan Hartford
The day a vendor starts handing out leather jackets with high end
products is the day he starts getting a lot of my business.
-Jonathan Hartford
Bloodlusted Ogres! There is no substitute.
-Jeremy Hartman (On orcs vs humans in Warcraft II)
I am disassociating myself from work, here. I don't consider you a client
for the rest of this post, just a moron.
-Jeremy Hartman (To unnamed client)
I lost my CD case. You know how I am when I lose my music.
Sucked to be anything in view that night.
-Jeremy Hartman
This must be the top of the line Cavalier, it has seats!
-Jeremy Hartman (dissing my rental Chevy Cavalier)
Never cross a deep creek in a Nissan (If you like your Nissan)
If you should decided to cross a creek in a Nissan, remember to rig
for dive (set the vent for recirculated air.)
-Paul W Harvey (on Rec.autos.4x4)
"We don't kill people just because they're sons-of-bitches,
if only because it's so hard to know where to stop."
-Matt Helms
Legends cost you, and when you consider these cars logically,
you can't help but wonder about their real value. But the soul reasons
in a way that the mind ignores.
-Daniel Heraud (commenting on a Porsche 911)
"Yeah, it's kinda like, ok I got you the happy meal, now put out."
-Sarah Hinkleman to Nate (about dating younger people)
"When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb."
-Steve Hoflich, comp.lang.c++
I think we are all just part of some sick twisted game.
Humanity: The boredom
-John Horus
One of the cuties here just gave me some valentines candy hearts,
maybe I should thank her by putting my dick in her mouth.
-John Horus (on Valentine's Day, a bit bitter)
If I were bill I would build an army of terminators and
wage war on the government, except of course they would all be
run on windows so they would crash a lot. But imagine
the effect.
-John Horus
A legend is someone you'd look up to. I think this is more of a
horrible traffic accident made flesh and people can't stop looking...
-InnChld (Talking about Voron)
Inox: how the hell are they cutting the fiber?
Chris Morgan: With a backhoe.
Inox: doh!
Chris Morgan: got giant chainsaw-like appendage on front of truck?
They do some outstanding work, it actually appears that they are
TRYING to find the conduits.
Inox: make it clear that the fiber is to be considered a living thing of
sorts, and that when one is cut, one of them must be killed in turn to
appease the net.god
Inox: Then go out & shoot 3 of them in the head.
-Inox (asking about fiber cuts)
Try again. Try harder.
-Inox
Apply Inox's postulate that Metcalfe's law is true until
transmissions become disruptions of transmissions in and of themselves
-Inox
Tracks is a fucking smarm farm w/ a fornication agenda.
The problem is, there is no distinction between the g/i crowd & the
former "new wavers", who had p00fy hair, wore sweaters & listened to
lots and lots of Shriekback.
Before, there were separate clubs for the people wanting to hear skinny
Puppy & the people wanting to hear synth pop.
I don't want to hear fucking synthpop when I go out to a club.
I want violent, angry music that sounds like machines breaking down
rhythmically.
I don't want gothic-seaweed-dance-inspiring Pet Shoppe Boys-esque crap
sapping my hatred
-Inox
Dan is on my "people to drown in toilets when law and order irrevocably
breaks down in the U.S." list
-Inox
Tracks sucks so hard that its lameness extends into other dimensions and
keeps the Old Ones at bay
-Inox
The MDAlien & MDTiger ppl are more annoying than rectal itch to
Edward Scissorhands
-Inox
I wouldn't fuck her with a remote controlled dildo while I hid in a
bunker.
-Inox
Vijay: How was class today, Inox?
Very very beat. It was an academic Enema.
-Inox
I have very little tolerance for most ppl's antics
to begin with. I have gone to great pains to educate myself
so that I can have a job that will give me enough money to
enjoy relative freedom in our society. Ergo, if someone costs
me money by damaging my property in protest, there will be a
shitstorm of unprecedented ferocity, doubtless leaving the
offender rended and bleating like a cast-away love ewe.
-Inox (re: animal rights protesters)
The very purpose of
a Bill of Rights was to withdraw certain subjects from the vicissitudes of
political controversy, to place them beyond the reach of majorities and
officials....fundamental rights may not be submitted to vote; they depend on
the outcome of no elections."
-Justice Jackson of the US Supreme Court ( West Virginia State Board
of Education et al. v. Barnette et al.)
"Selling to clients has honed my ability to break information
into Flintstone's Chewables for idiots."
-John Jasen
I personally didn't expect salespeople to have dogs, wives or kids
-- just some sort of hive-like existence.
-John Jasen
Chain gangs and slave labor can cut the costs considerably. And, when
you no longer have a use for them, they are completely biodegradeable.
-John Jasen (talking about how to build cheap parking at UMBC)
It's always the same ...
"John, take care of the details."
"John, give TOW Anti-Tank systems to the students."
"John, garotte everyone in management before the 1'o'clock meeting."
"John, create dissention and civil war in Albania by Tuesday."
Don't get no respect ...
-John Jasen
I have found that most of the witty "oh you broke your car"
commentary comes from people who drive wussy pissant cars like
saturns. why is that?
Whereas my porsche owning friends are more like "ha ha that's nothing,
you should have seen the time i had to replace, not only my engine, but
my LEFT LEG!"
-Faisal Jawdat
pittsburgh construction contractors drop packets more than
a cisco 2501 which is running "we poured coffee in the aui
port" instead of ios
-Faisal Jawdat
It has gotten to the point where i can construct quotesfilable
sentences at will. It's like I start to say something and part of
the function call of saying something is that I can set a flag for
"quotefiles". What do you want to do today? [] work at tower records
[] route for uunet [] hunt vampires [] say something quotable.
CHOOSE WISELY.
Translation: I'm living in an episode of friends. vijay == jennifer
aniston. FROM THE DARK SIDE.
-Faisal Jawdat
At first i thought it was because i hated chicken and hated paying
$50 for the meal, but after experimentation where both those constraints were
lifted, i discovered that it had little effect on my feelings for the food.
-Faisal Jawdat (hating morrocan food)
Damn. I made it into the quote file. Now I have to come up with three
more stupid sayings with which to beat Mike's maximum entries per day record.
Must... become... witty!
-Faisal Jawdat (Number of quotes entered into the page in a single day)
Of course maybe that's because the script is so amazingly pathetic
that only someone with the mind of a cheesegrater could enjoy it.
I've written better dialogue while so drunk that i couldn't stand up.
-Faisal Jawdat (reacting to Skinny liking Armageddon)
Supposedly they talked to someone at nasa for realism purposes.
however, i can only assume that the person they talked to was a
non-union janitor, and probably illiterate at that.
-Faisal Jawdat (let the tooling continue)
"The hateful :) means `just kidding' and is used by people who would
dot their i's with little circles and should have their eyes dotted
with Drano."
-Penn Jillette
The best thing I like about my job is meeting new people,
and then pummeling them senseless.
- Earthworm Jim
"Evil people are generally intelligent cos it takes brains in
order to be really nasty, while naive dimwits can have that innocent
kindness to them."
-Edward Johnson (edvamp)
"Meat is murder and I'm on a killing spree!"
-Edward Johnson (edvamp)
"Eat meat, wear leather, experiment freely."
-Edward Johnson (edvamp)
"The depth of your charm rivals only that of a sucking chest wound."
-aaron johnston
Hey pal, motor oil does not make for good lubricant... now take
the oil filter out of your ass and seek salvation in reality.
-aaron johnston
Hey, it's good to be popular. I'm taking it easy here Paul, fire back
something a little more insulting please.
-aaron johnston (in a flame war on RMI with Paul of VanRichter)
I'm done attempting to insert clues verbally. Please call the Proctologist.
-jon@outland.net
Almost all IT guys have egos the size of manhattan and social skills
comprable to that of road kill.
-Kriste Jordan
It was, in Wall Street terms, fully funded.
-Jim Jubak (MSN MoneyCentral)
Allow me to introduce you to /dev/null
-Cliff Judge
"We cannot tolerate the proliferation of this paperwork any longer.
It is useless to fight the forms. We must kill the people producing
them."
-Vladimir Kabaidze, Director of the Ivanovo Machine Works
Please don't open your mouth again unless yer gonna suck me
-KABi
Unlike the OSPF spec, the ISIS spec provides very little
implementation guidance (a feature, I believe, as it promotes
actual thinking.)
-Dave Katz
The Zen Method of Big Rig: Grasshopper, truck will shift
itself if you are one with it.
-Bill Keith
"Sodomy with plastic sharks is something perhaps we should discuss
further."
-cEvin Key
"I am going to duct tape you to the table and fuck you from
all directions"
-Doug Kim (to an annoying user)
Do you *seriously* think I'd force-feed somebody a system unit?
It has a serial number, and would cause the Finance department much
woe if it was lost. People don't come with serial numbers, and are
therefore considered to be expendable assets.
-Chris King
"Evap!", croaked the old drunk , simultanously crapping himself
and blowing lunch.
-Stephen King (Salem's Lot)
"Uh-oh. Pee-pee hurt. Time to die."
-Sam Kinison
Mother: "Very bad! Grandma's dead"
Child: "No matter, just press the reset button!"
-Pascal Kreil (on Tamagotchi toys)
When Anal Rape is no longer fun... it just becomes a duty
-Kristoff
When you care to send the very best... tell them to go fuck
themselves
-Kristoff (pissing on Hallmark)
cum!
shoots in yer mouth
not in yer hand
-Kristoff
Ask not what evolution can do for you, ask what you can
do for evolution.
-Jimbo Kukla
If by "race" you mean Driver's Ed and time trials, no problem with the
sunroof because your car is going to stay basically stock. If you mean
licensed road racing with SCCA or some other sanctioning body, deleting
the sunroof would be a good idea. So would deleting your wallet...
-D C Lee (on ordering a sunroof option on an Audi S4)
"But in our enthusiasm, we could not resist a radical overhaul of the
system, in which all of its major weaknesses have been exposed, analyzed,
and replaced with new weaknesses."
-Bruce Leverett
It's not necessary to kill the settlement in the southeast,
but I always was a perfectionist . . .
-Edward Liu (On Warcraft II)
And I must say, as much as I actully like the name "Kevorkian Death
Cycle", it sounds like an exercise bike that runs over your own head.
-E Loch
"The most merciful thing in the world ... is the inability of the
human mind to correlate its contents."
-H.P. Lovecraft
I have not drank the koolaid.
Thus i leave the valley.
The valley of the options.
The valley of the damned.
MUST ESCAPE!
-Bill Lucid
All kinds of fireproof paint burn really well, when you give them
a good start. Some of them explosively so. Sheet metal burns even
better. Conclusion: If a nuclear bomb ever goes off nearby,
be somewhere else at the time. Like on another continent.
-Keith F Lynch
There are just some things you don't mess with. A man's
wife is one. A man's jeep is another.
-Justin M (on rec.autos.makers.jeep+willys)
The internet doubles in size every x months. the amount of
clue to run it remains the same.
-Bill Manning
Being condescending and rude is appropriate when an argument is so
pointless and stupid that one needs that "extra special edge" to win.
-Justin Maxwell
"it's the bandwidth, stupid"
-John McCalpin
"Too much power is just about right"
-Kirk McGraw
Simplicity also works well. As far as I'm concerned nothing
could be better than walking in with a bag, placing the bag on
the table, reaching in, pulling out a double barreled shot gun,
shooting the nearest person in the head with the first shot then
using the second on yourself. Classic simplicity. They will be
talking about it for years.
-Chris Mc Mahon (On classroom teaching)
"Ignorance can be cured....stupidity can't."
-Jeff McAdams (quoting someone else)
Times when state in names is useful - when you are
transmitting information over a very low bandwidth medium, eg, slide
presentations to senior management.
-Me
"we have time and an unhealthy interest"
-Me
Fortunately, I had already anticipated your lameness, and made plans
to go the Ballroom or something.
-Me (to Faisal, when he bailed on the Juno Reactor show)
C++ is to object orientation as Winger is to music. I hereby
declare a Jihad against the devil made flesh - Bjarne Stroustrup!
-Me
"I must admit my education in the assgoblin
arena has been sadly lacking, perhaps you can clue me in"
-Me (to Faisal)
I don't do drugs because I like to keep reality where I can get
hold of it ASAP.
-Me
[This] makes entirely too much sense, therefore we junk this premise.
-Me
WHAT DID YOU SAY KMFDM STOOD FOR AGAIN PUNK?
-Me
Take what you have and run with it and if you are going to die,
ensure that you kill as many as you can before dying.
-Me
"We don't need solutions. We need shotguns!"
-Me
"if you don't know how to do this, chances are that you should NOT be
doing this. Leave this sort of thing for the professionals. Given that
warning, and being the sort of person who loves to give out rope so people
can hang themselves, here we go:
-Me
The ideal situation would be to give everyone assault rifles. That
way, if you wanted a parking space really badly, you could fight others
for it
-Me (responding to an inquiry about parking problems at UMBC)
Oh no! Break dancing Shaolin Monks!
-Me
Force the Lose, Uke!
-Nathan J. Mehl
"I've distilled everything down to one simple principle: win or die."
Marquise de Merteuil
Disbelief should be suspended, not hung
by the neck until dead.
-Judith Merril
I don't know. Religions usually have some pretty good things to offer,
like everlasting life, etc. What can we offer? Dollar drafts at the Roxy?
-Ted Metzler (responding to Nikki's question about converting people
to the Goth/Industrial Scene in DC)
"AN OBJECT AT REST CAN NOT BE STOPPED!"
-Midnight Bomber that bombs at Midnight
We had more than enough genuine headaches as it
was, and trivial aesthetic concerns weren't even close to making
it onto our agenda.
-Geoff Miller
"Turn the other cheek, and it will be ripped from your face."
-MK III
I'm inside UMBC, thinking has ceased.
-Christopher Morgan (Loyal Employee of UMBC)
The point is, Men are from Mars and Women are an alien hell-race with the
intent of destroying the entire galaxy to build an inter-stellar hyperdrive
lesbian bypass.
-Christopher Morgan
Think Globally. Act like an idiot.
-Christopher Morgan
We are jolly green giants, walking the earth with routers.
-Christopher Morgan (after no router ospf 10)
I woke up at like 2 something to find half the crowd gone,
myself wondering where anyone I recognized was, and fr00ty's
car broken into.
And then I kneeled down, extended my tongue and licked hell.
-Christopher Morgan (having a bad night at Traxx)
Vijay and I were breakdancing on the Capital Beltway last night.
What were you doing?
-Chris Morgan
Never in my life did I think I would be typing "I loves the
booty" while on the phone with a customer.
-Christoper Morgan
The Guild navigators, gifted with limited prescience, had made the
fatal decision: they'd chosen always the clear, safe course that leads
ever downward into stagnation.
-Paul Muad'Dib (Dune)
The eye that looks ahead to the safe course is closed forever.
-Paul Muad'Dib (Dune)
"While most people wasted their first year in college, I was sitting
in front of a mirror, tripping on acid, watching the flesh peel off
my skull."
-Nate
Shrapnel is our ally in the war against flesh!
-Nate
Xena - Baywatch for the D & D nerds.
-Nate
"If you don't shut up, I'm going to install my dick in your ass!"
-Nate (To his boss, who was pestering him to install from CD-ROM)
When the game is over for me, it will be because I died, not because
I ran out of quarters.
-Nate
Step into my world, and I will fuck you up.
-Nate
She's hot and she's dysfunctional!
-Nate
Industrial speaks to the mind better than to the heart
-Neil Neely
A system admin's life is a sorry one. The only advantage he has over
Emergency Room doctors is that malpractice suits are rare. On the other
hand, ER doctors never have to deal with patients installing new versions
of their own innards!
-Michael O'Brien
Heidi Heiden's First Law:
When you want it bad, you get it bad,
and most people want it in the worst way.
MO's Corallary to Heiden's First Law:
Nature neither seeks nor abides your opinion.
-Mike O'Dell
Is a man who chooses the bad perhaps in some way better than a
man who has the good imposed upon him?
-C. O
"Power is in tearing human minds to pieces and putting them together
again in shapes of our own choosing."
-George Orwell, _1984_
"Your heroes are not always your friends..."
-Taylor Parkes
Here at the Scorched Earth Party, we are dedicated to a few simple
principles:
o that the concept of "life is sacred" is the best joke we've
heard this year.
o that nothing satisfies like clubbing some moron to death with
a lead pipe.
o that you can never get laid enough.
o that the world will continue to deteriorate until 90% of its
population is eliminated.
True happiness will never be yours unless you rise up with us.
Join the 10% with the lead pipes. Help save the world through random,
messy violence, and then wallow in carnal pleasure among the ruins.
-Manifesto, Scorched Earth Party
I smoke, I die. I stop smoking, other people start dying.
-Petro
Disclamers are for wimps. If people get offended fuck'em,
they ain't paying my salary.
-Petro
Think Globally. Act Locally. Support your Local Politician.
With a rope.
-Petro
"Sir, if you don't know
how to click and drag on a mac, I suggest you
find a different machine. Have you tried a pencil?"
-Petro
Fucken posers. Can't live with'em, and if you shoot them you get
ticketed for littering.
-Petro
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
-Emo Phillips
"Your rules are really beginning to annoy me."
-Snake Plissken
I can't sing, that's why I play industrial music
-Chris Randall (of Sister Machine Gun)
Geoff Rowland: Of course, we all know that Boba Fet was the
badest mother fucker....
If he was so bad, he wouldn't have his ass bein' digested over a
thousand year period, now would he.
-Chris Randall
As much as I hate to agree with Mr. Regis, I got one word for you.
O-fucking-asis. I would be very happy to beat that particular fad into
the ground. With a large blunt object.
-Chris Randall (on English rock)
Who needs democracy when you've got Siberia!
-Chris Randall
Stupid bitch took my quarters
-Kat Reeves
I'd like a spot in vijay's quotes file
-Adam Rothschild
It is hard to sell atm services when your switches are
locked in NON-CONFORM cages across the world.
-Adam Rothschild
Some sort of demon materializing and shredding the hell out
of the mosh pit would have fit in perfectly with the whole atmosphere
they created and, I should add, easily have made this the Coolest Show
In History(TM).
-Adam K. Rixey (On the Front Line Assembly show in DC, 1996)
Do you know what a platonic friend is to a woman? It's like a dick
in a glass case. 'In case of emergency, break glass'
-Chris Rock
And don't forget, ladies, that nothing says 'I care' quite like a
restraining order....
-Eric Anders Rowe
Music is the only religion that works as advertised.
-Eric Anders Rowe
"President (Dwight) Eisenhower used to warn of the military-industrial
complex, but now we have a media-athletic-shoe-company complex which is the
preeminent cultural experience of our era."
-Peter Russ (on Rupert Murdoch's growing media empire)
I laugh at the perfectionists. Those who compare an AK to any other gun
do not understand what an AK is about.
An AK will out shoot anything when your life depends on reliability.
It's the Energizer Bunny of death. It keeps killing...and killing....and
killing...and killing...
-Sasquatch
So I've been thinking of starting a company.
I need to write a business/marketing plan.
Also, I need crack, a BMW 540i, and chix0rs
-Joshua Schachter
I outsource my quotesfile
-Joshua Schachter
Faisal, have you considered keeping a bullet in your mouth at all
times? That way if someone shot at you, you could spit it out and they'd
be all impressed and stop shooting.
-Joshua Schachter
"Fault tolerant" is like "tier 1" -- the companies that really are
fault-tolerant aren't the ones going all over the place claiming to be.
-Robert Seastrom
More money than clue. The kind of organization that
installs compaq proliants.
-Robert Seastrom (on viatel)
OOB is saving throw when you fuck up.
-Robert Seastrom (commenting on Out of Band mangement networks)
"It's not what you play, it's what you're plugged into."
-Seefeel
I did not promise sanity... just unlimited power
-Debbie Shapiro (in assembly language class)
"Do not be so proud of this technological terror you have constructed.
The ability to criticize Star Wars is insignificant next to power of the
Fans"
-Brandon David Short
Touring is for real rock-stars; not us.
If it looks like barf, smells like barf, it's probably barf.
a) America eats much beef.
b) Where the fuck are all of the cows coming from?
Pepper gas doesn't effect cockroaches, fire works best.
-Siebold, Ryan, Charlie (Hate Dept tour notes)
That's about as subtle as an open umbrella up the anus.
-Mark Sisson
"To the Creator, who gives us the light by which we more clearly see
the darkness."
-Skipp and Spector's dedication of their first horror novel
The Light At the End
Industrial is pissed-off music for pissed-off people.
-The Sloth
Sir,
Did you ever have the pleasure of implementing IS-IS's and OSPF's
flooding algorithms? I did.
I can tell you from experience: OSPF is just a %$~@!-ed up protocol.
-Henk Smit
Spanky (to a Jehova's Witness): What did you witness anyway?
JW: We testify to the glory of Jehova's kingdom.
So you are really Jehova's Unsolicited Testimonials?
-Spanky
Jeehye: I wonder if Roy works out with Basel?
The only thing Roy is working out with is a fork.
-Spanky
I'm also trying to figure out how minute machine marks in the barrel
can affect the accuracy of a small bullet made to less stringent
tolerances being forced out with 50,000 psi of flaming hot gas at well
over 2000fps.
-David Steuber (on barrel break-in procedures)
"Pigface is our blunt trauma. The 2x4 of pure reason, the baseball bat
of higher logic, the lead pipe of rationality."
-Ken Strayhorn
"Humility is for those who can't carry off arrogance successfully
-Drew Sutherland
The problem with being in the top ten percent of the human population
is the other ninety percent.
-Dave Swim
There's suspension of disbelief and then there's staring in
slack-jawed horror at the ineptitude of mondern hollywood
-Dave Swim (commenting on Armageddon)
If anything, it should be my city. Simply because what this city
needs is a completely self-involved iron fist.
-Alan "[nerve]" Szymkowiak (speaking of DC)
"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity
to anyone, but they've always worked for me."
-Hunter S. Thompson
Strange memories on this nervous night in Las Vegas. Five years
later? Six? It seems like a lifetime, or at least a Main Era -- the kind
of peak that never comes again. San Fransisco in the middle sixties was a
very special time and place to be a part of. Maybe it meant something.
Maybe not, in the long run... There was madness in any direction, at any
hour. If not across the Bay, then up the Golden Gate or down 101 to Los
Altos or La Honda... You could strike sparks anywhere. There was a
fantastic universal sense that whatever we were doing was right, that we
were winning...
And that, I think, was the handle -- that sense of inevitable
victory over the forces of Old and Evil. Not in any mean or military
sense; we didn't need that. Our energy would simply prevail. There was no
point in fighting -- on our side or theirs. We had all the momentum; we
were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave. So now, less than
five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look
West, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water
mark -- that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back.
-Hunter S. Thompson
"No matter what, today is the end of an era. No more fair play.
From now on it is dirty pool and judo in the clinches. The savage
nuts have shattered the great myth of American decency. They can
count me in -- I feel ready for a dirty game."
-Hunter S. Thompson (The day president Kennedy was assassinated)
"When you're good and crazy, the sky's the limit!!"
-The Tick
And so, may evil beware and may good dress warmly and eat
lots of vegetables
-The Tick
Sanity, you are a madman
-The Tick
"...we think they are garbage and we will destroy them..."
-Thomas Thorne, Electric Hellfire Club (on Christian industrial bands)
The only way tcsh "rocks" is when the rocks are attached to it's feet
in the deepest part of a very deep lake.
-Linus Torvalds
And in the dawn, there came a song,
Of some sweet lady, singing in his ear,
Your God has gone, and from now on,
You'll have to learn to hate the things you fear.
-Jethro Tull
I have Demons you can't imagine.
-Unknown
Sad is for a group of swaddle-brained, dim-bulb, meat-tubes,
getting together to agree on how wonderful life is, honestly, who
gives two fucks for man and his universe.
These dorks haven't got the point yet. Life is ugly. It is brutal.
The weak are killed and eaten. Life is full of filthy old men with
weeping cankers, vomiting into wastebaskets in railway stations.
Life is one long walk down a public toilet where the caked layers
of dried phlegm, spit and urine smear the walls. Left to their own
devices, people will bend you over and slide you a steaktube just
to watch the expression on your face.
-Unknown
Push to test.
<click>
Release to detonate.
-Unknown Sign
Violence only kills the body; fear kills the soul
-Unknown (on Usenet)
"The philosophy exam was a piece of cake -- which was a bit of
a surprise, actually, because I was expecting some questions on a
sheet of paper."
-Unknown
"The superior pilot uses his superior judgement to avoid situations in
which he has to demonstrate his superior skill"
-Unknown
"I don't know who did it, but whoever did is responsible."
-Unknown
"Some people make mistakes, I initiate disasters"
-Unknown
Salvation through napalm
-Unknown
My sex life is defined by the thin line between a love tap and murder
with a blunt instrument.
-Unknown
The beatings will continue till morale improves
-Unknown
Somewhere........Somehow.........Someone's going to pay !
-Unknown
This calls for a very special mixture of psychology and extreme violence.
- Vyvyan, The Young Ones
To the living we owe respect, but to the dead we owe only the truth.
-Voltaire
"Tactical? TACTICAL!?!? Hey, buddy, we went from kilotons to megatons
several minutes ago. We don't need no stinkin' tactical nukes.
(By the way, do you have change for 10 million people?)"
-Larry Wall
"Jeeps will get you through times of no women better
than women will get you through times with no Jeeps."
-Paul Weitlauf
There is a fine line between making eye contact, and the
cold empty stare of a crazed psychopath.
-Chance Whaley
but to learn ISIS you have to know the secret handshake
and be a fucking 33rd level mason
-Chance Whaley
Vij, if I got a maxima, I would have to get the gold trim,
rubber band tires, ground effects, black tinted windows, and a sticker that
said 100% gangsta. We must look at the added cost of these options on the
purchase price of my car. I call it the gangsta package.
-Andrew Williams
Cliff: you know humans are kind of lame for not allowing our food
the chance to fight back
Cliff, quite frankly, if I went to Ruths and orderd a t-bone, then
had to have a big fight with the cow, while still paying $25.00 for it,
I would be one pissed off carnivore.
-Andrew Williams
Demons. Beat.
-Andrew Williams
Mere noise now, but when the whopping 19k a year starts comming
in. . . .
-Andrew Williams (on my plans to rejoin academia)
This show needs more gansta rap.
-Andrew Williams (commenting bitterly on Star Trek Voyager)
Vij, could you turn the light down from 'Inquisition' to
'mellow?'
-Andrew William
"How come I aren't on your quotes page vij? I've come up with
some pretty good ones."
-Andrew Williams
No C++! C: C++ is never an alternative.
-Andrew Williams discussing alternatives to Java
"I tried to turn off the sucking feature in Netcruiser, but that
button was greyed-out!"
-Allen Wintermute
"Hate is a powerful thing, and I am a very powerful man..."
-Ivan The Wise
"If there's one thing I've learned, it's that it's better to have a gun
and not need one than need a gun and not have one"
-Clarence Worley, "True Romance"
On the other hand, that Grand Cherokee sure looks dainty in it's
plasticated clapboard miniskirt, doesn't it? But hey, all that vinyl
bullshit is great for protecting the paint from wayward shopping
carts. If all you do is go to the mall, the JGC is perfect...
make sure to wave at all your neighbors from your "urban assault
vehicle."
-Weasel Wop Worm (Comparing JGC to 4Runner on rec.autos.4x4)
let's see, i've got faded black jeans, shiny black jacket, solid
black shirt, semi-shiny/semi-scuffed black boots..... dear lord,
my blacks don't match! hellfuck! call in airforce 1, and get me to
some trendy clothes store now!
-lucian X, on the subject of gothic color-coordination
If you have plenty of capacity everywhere you fail the Vijay Gill
criteria "You must have traffic to need traffic engineering" which
could have been said with a lot less math.
-Curtis Villamizar (on an infocom paper using IGP metrics)
Paranoia reaches peak while racing across country on tour fueled by
crystal meth.
-Rowdy Yates (on Siebold, Hate Dept)
Either break the leash and come bark with the big dogs and be able to
put up proof or sit with the poodles and bitch about how tight the collar is.
-Tim Yocum
You don't change the way people think by changing what they say. You change
the way people think with HEADLESS CHARRED BODIES FLYING THROUGH THE AIR.
-Alistair J. R. Young
There is No God but Sendmail and SMTP is Its Prophet
-Alistair J. R. Young
"Lets look at this problem pseudo-scientifically"
-Jeehye Yun
"Hey! Wanna come laming with us tonight?"
-Jeehye Yun
"Engineering is the implementation of science;
Politics is the implementation of faith."
-Zetetic Commentaries
Living in california is like driving around in a
shitty loaner car. It makes you appreciate living in some
other part of the country just that much more