The Collected Writings of Bart Simpson

If you've ever noticed, when Bart Simpson is writing something 100,000 
times on the chalkboard as a punishment in the opening sequence of the 
Simpsons, he is always writing something different - and often quite 
hilarious.These are the collected writings of Bart Simpson from the 
chalkboard exercises during the opening credits.

I will not carve gods.
I will not spank others.
I will not aim for the head.
I will not barf unless I'm sick.
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty. 
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge. 
I will not conduct my own fire drills.
Funny noises are not funny.
I will not snap bras.
I will not fake seizures.
This punishment is not boring and pointless. 
My name is not Dr. Death.
I will not defame New Orleans.
I will not prescribe medication.
I will not bury the new kid.
I will not teach others to fly.
I will not bring sheep to class.
A burp is not an answer.
Teacher is not a leper.
Coffee is not for kids.
I will not eat things for money.
I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call. 
The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee. 
I will not call the principal "spud head". 
Goldfish don't bounce.
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups. 
No one is interested in my underpants. 
I will not sell miracle cures.
I will return the seeing-eye dog.
I do not have diplomatic immunity.
I will not charge admission to the bathroom. 
I will never win an emmy.
The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy. 
All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.
I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause. 
I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers. 
My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.
I will not go near the kindergarten turtle. 
I am not deliciously saucy.
Organ transplants are best left to professionals.
The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan". 
I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.
There are plenty of businesses like show business.
I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball.
Five days is not too long to wait for a gun. 
I will not waste chalk.
I will not skateboard in the halls. 
I will not instigate revolution.
I will not draw naked ladies in class. 
I did not see Elvis.
I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes". 
Garlic gum is not funny.
They are laughing at me, not with me.
I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom. 
I will not encourage others to fly.
I will not fake my way through life. 
Tar is not a plaything.
I will not Xerox my butt.
It's potato, not potatoe.
I will not trade pants with others. 
I am not a 32 year old woman.
I will not do that thing with my tongue. 
I will not drive the principal's car. 
I will not pledge allegiance to Bart. 
I will not sell school property.
I will not burp in class.
I will not cut corners.
I will not get very far with this attitude. 
I will not belch the National Anthem.
I will not sell land in Florida.
I will not grease the monkey bars.
I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment. 
I will not do anything bad ever again.
I will not show off.
I will not sleep through my education. 
I am not a dentist.
Spitwads are not free speech.
Nobody likes sunburn slappers.
High explosives and school don't mix. 
I will not bribe Principal Skinner. 
I will not squeak chalk.
I will finish what I start
"Bart Bucks" are not legal tender. 
Underwear should be worn on the inside. 
The Christmas Pageant does not stink.
I will not torment the emotionally frail.