Patriarchy in Colonial America

Entries from the Secret Diary of William Byrd II of Virginia, 1709-1712

Byrd was a wealthy slave owner from Virginia who kept a secret diary written in code.  What follows are entries from Byrd’s diary dealing with his relationship with his wife over the course of several years.   In each entry, Byrd records the highlights of his day, from mundane things such as what he ate for breakfast to his attempts to “roger” [have sex with] his wife.  Your job is to use the entries from the diary to tell us something about the relationships between men and women during the colonial period.

April 7, 1709. I rose before 6 o'clock and read two chapters in Hebrew and 250 verses in Homer's Odyssey and made an end of it. I said my prayers devoutly. I ate milk for break­fast. I danced my dance [exercised]. The men began to work this day to dig for brick. I settled my accounts and read Italian. I reproached my wife with ordering the old beef to be kept and the fresh beef used first, contrary to good management, on which she was pleased to be very angry and this put me out of humor. I ate nothing but boiled beef for dinner. I went away presently after dinner to look after my people. When I returned I read more Italian and then my wife came and begged my pardon and we were friends again. I read in Dr. Lister again very late. I said my prayers. I had good health, good thoughts, and bad humor, unlike a philosopher.

April 9, 1709. I rose at 5 o'clock and read a chapter in Hebrew and 150 verses in Homer. I said my prayers devoutly and ate milk for breakfast. My wife and I had another scold about mending my shoes but it was soon over by her submission. I settled my accounts and read Dutch. I ate nothing but cold roast beef and asparagus for dinner. In the afternoon Mr. Custis complained of a pain in his side for which he took a sweat of snakeroot. I read more Dutch and took a little nap. In the evening we took a walk about the planta­tion. My people made an end of planting the corn field. I had an account from Rappahannock that the same distem­per began to rage there that had been so fatal on the Eastern Shore. I had good health, good thoughts and good humor, thanks be to God Almighty. I said my prayers.

June 15, 1709. I rose at 5 o'clock and read two chapters in Hebrew and some Greek in Josephus. I said my prayers and ate milk for breakfast. Captain Cl-t brought me some letters from England and offered me freight in his ship. He brought a parson with him, Mr. Goodwin. He ate his breakfast here and went away about 9 o'clock. I ate dry beef for dinner, and chicken. While we were at dinner Captain M-r-n came with some more letters. He brought me some goods for my wife, to an extravagant value. My letters gave me a sad prospect of the tobacco trade in England. My wife continued very ill.

June 27, 1709. I rose at 5 o'clock and read two chapters in Hebrew and some Greek in Josephus. I said my prayers and ate milk for breakfast. I danced my dance. I made an invoice of the things that my wife could spare to be sold. I settled the accounts of protested bills. I ate mutton for dinner. My wife was in tears about her [cargo] but I gave her some comfort after dinner.

August 27, 1709. I rose at 5 o'clock and read two chapters in Hebrew and some Greek in Josephus. I said my prayers and ate milk for breakfast. I danced my dance. I had like to have whipped my maid Anaka for her laziness but I forgave her. I read a little geometry. I denied my man G-r-l to go to a horse race because there was nothing but swearing and drinking there. I ate roast mutton for dinner. In the after­noon I played at piquet [a card game] with my own wife and made her out of humor by cheating her. I read some Greek in Homer.

September 6, 1709. About one o'clock this morning my wife was happily delivered of a son, thanks be to God Almighty. I was awake in a blink and rose and my cousin Harrison, met me on the stairs and told me it was a boy. We drank some French wine and went to bed again and rose at 7 o'clock. I read a chapter in Hebrew and then drank chocolate with the women for breakfast. I returned God humble thanks for so great a blessing and recommended my young son to His divine protection. My cousin Harrison and Mrs. Hamlin went away about 9 o'clock and I made my [satisfaction] to them for that kindness. I sent Peter away who brought me a summons to the Council.  I read some geometry. The Doctor brought me two letters from England from Captain Stith. I ate roast mutton for dinner. In the afternoon I wrote a letter to England and took a walk about the plan­tation. I said my prayers and had good health and good thoughts, thanks be to God Almighty.

[And then two moths after the birth of his son]

November 2, 1709. I rose at 6 o'clock and read a chapter in Hebrew and some Greek in Lucian. I said my prayers and ate milk for breakfast, and settled some accounts, and then went to court where we made an end of the business. We went to dinner about 4 o'clock and I ate boiled beef again. In the evening I went to Dr. [Barret's] where my wife came this after­noon. Here I found Mrs. Chiswelt, my sister Custis, and other ladies. We sat and talked till about n o'clock and then retired to our chambers. I played at [r-m] with Mrs. Chiswell and kissed her on the bed till she was angry and my wife also was uneasy about it, and cried as soon as the company was gone. I neglected to say my prayers, which I should not have done, because I ought to beg pardon for the lust I had for another man's wife. However I had good health, good thoughts, and good humor, thanks be to God Almighty.

November 11, 1709.  ….We returned in the dark to Arlington where we found some of the women sick and some out of humor and particularly my wife quarreled with Mr. Dunn and me for talking Latin and called it bad manners. This put me out of humor with her which set her to crying. I wholly made the reconcilia­tion. The parson was more affronted than I, and went to bed. I neglected to say my prayers but had good health, good thoughts, and indifferent good humor, thanks be God Almighty.

December 5, 1709. ….In the afternoon we shot in a bow but none of us could hit the mark. My wife was guilty in reproaching Frank W-l-s for swearing and he was out of humor for it. They went away just as it was dark. In the evening I read some Italian, said my prayers, and had good health, good thoughts, and good humor, thanks be to God Almighty.

December 13, 1709. I rose at 5 o'clock and read a chapter In Hebrew and some Greek in Cassius. I said my prayers and ate milk for breakfast. I danced my dance. Last night I gave my wife a flourish and this morning I quarreled with her about her neglect of the family.  I settled some accounts.

February 14, 1710.  I rose at 7 o'clock and read the Psalms and some Greek in Cassius. My wife miscarried this morning, I said my prayers and ate milk for breakfast. I danced my dance. My cousin Harrison and Mrs. Anderson came to see my wife to comfort her in her affliction. They stayed and dined with me. I ate roast shoat. In the afternoon they went away and Mr. Randolph and I walked to Mr. Harrison's where we found Colonel Hill extremely troubled with a headache. We stayed about two hours and then Colonel Hill and Mrs. Anderson went over the river and Mr. Randolph and I took a walk. In the evening my spouse was better. I read some Latin and said my prayers, and had good health, good thoughts, and good humor, thanks be to God Almighty. My wife slept very well tonight.

June 3, 1710. I rose at 6 o'clock and as soon as I came out news was brought that the child was very ill. We went out and found him just ready to die and he died about 8 o'clock in the morning. God gives and God takes away; blessed be the name of God. Mrs. Harrison and Mr. Anderson and his wife and some other company came to see us in our affliction. My wife was much afflicted but I submitted to His judgment better, notwithstanding I was very sensible of my loss, but God's will be done. Mr. Anderson and his wife with Mrs. B-k-r dined here. I ate roast mutton. In the afternoon I was griped in my belly very much but it grew better towards the night. In the afternoon it rained and was fair again in the evening. My poor wife and I walked in the garden. In the evening I neglected to say my prayers, had indifferent health, good thoughts, and good humor, thanks be to God Almighty.

June 4, 1710. I rose at 6 o'clock and read nothing because I took physic which did not work. I said my prayers and ate water gruel. I had no more than two stools but was a little griped. I was so indisposed that I could not settle to anything. My wife had several fits of tears for our dear son but kept within the bounds of submission. I ate hashed mutton for dinner. In the afternoon we walked a little abroad but it was so hot we soon returned. My dinner griped me again but not so much as it did. My man Tom returned from Williamsburg and brought me letters from Green Springs and Queen's Creek. Jimmy brought a coffin from Falling Creek made of walnut tree. In the evening we took a walk. I said my prayers and had good thoughts, good humor, and indifferent: good health, thank God Almighty.

July 9, 1710. About 1 1 o'clock we went to church and had a good sermon. After church I invited nobody home because I design to break that custom that my people may go to church. I ate boiled pork for dinner. In the afternoon my wife and I had a terrible quarrel about the things she had come in but at length she submitted because she was in the wrong. For my part I kept my temper very well.

July 15, 1710.  I rose at 5 o'clock and read two chapters in Hebre and some Greek in Thucydides.   I said my prayers and at milk and pears for breakfast.   About 7 o'clock the negro boy [or Betty] that ran away was brought home.   My wife against my will caused little Jenny to be burned with a hot iron, for which I quarreled with her.

August 12, 1710. I rose at 5 o'clock and read a chapter in Hebrew and some Greek in Lucian. I said my prayers and ate boiled milk for breakfast. I danced my dance. I had a quarrel with my wife about the servants who did little work.

December 16, 1710. ….I ate boiled beef for dinner. In the afternoon my wife and I had a quarrel about learning to sing Psalms, in which she was wholly in the wrong, even in the opinion of Mrs. Dunn who was witness of it.

January 11, 1711. I rose about 6 o'clock but read nothing because of my company, who went away about 8 o'clock. I said my prayers and ate chocolate for breakfast. Two of my people were very ill. I quarreled wⁱth my wife for being cruel to Suky Brayne, though she deserved it.

January 31, 1711. I rose at 5 o'clock and read two chapters in Hebrew and some Greek in Lucian. I said my prayers and ate boiled milk for breakfast. My wife quarreled with me about not sending for Mrs. Dunn when it rained to [lend her John]. She threatened to kill herself but had more discretion. I danced my dance and then read some English about [love]. It rained again all the morning. I ate some roast shoat for dinner. In the afternoon Nurse was taken sick of a [purg­ing]. I took a walk to see the boatwright at work. My wife came into good humor again and we resolved to live for the future in love and peace. At night I ate some battered eggs with her and drank some cider. I said my prayers and had good health, good thoughts, and good humor, thank God Almighty.

February 5, 1711. I rose about 8 o'clock and found my cold still worse. I said my prayers and ate milk and potatoes for breakfast. My wife and I quarreled about her pulling her brows. She threatened she would not go to Williamsburg if she might not pull them; I refused, however, and got the better of her, and maintained my authority.

April 31, 1711. I rose about 6 o'clock and read two chapters in Hebrew and some Greek in Lucian. I said my prayers and ate boiled milk for breakfast. My wife told me of the mis­fortunes of Mrs. Dunn—that her husband had beat her, and that she had complained to Mr. Gee of it, who made Mr. Dunn swear that he would never beat her again; that he threatened to kill her and abused her extremely and told her he would go from her. I was sorry to hear it and told my wife if he did go from her she might come here. I read some news till dinner. I ate boiled beef for dinner. In the afternoon we made a cold tincture. In the evening I took a long walk about the plantation. At night we drank a bottle of French wine. I said my prayers and had good health, good thoughts, and good humor, thank God Almighty. Mrs. Russell has good sense and very good breeding but can hardly forbear being hysterical, notwithstanding it is with good manners.

May 14, 1711. ….My wife could not be persuaded to be let blood neither by the Doctor or me to prevent miscarriage. However she promised [she] would forbear eating much to breed blood since she was so unwill­ing to part with it.

[…Two days later]

May 16, 1711. My wife was sick still but something better than yesterday.  I ate some  roast shoat for dinner. In the afternoon came Frank Eppes to bring me his father's bills for the quitrents. He stayed here till about 6 o'clock and then went with me to see the gates and my wife came and walked with me. Just as I was going to bed the Captain of the salt ship came and stayed about half an hour with me and I gave him a bottle of cider. I said my prayers and had good health, good thoughts, and good humor, thank God Almighty.    I rogered my wife, in which she took but little pleasure in her condition.

June 12, 1711. I rose about 5 o'clock and read two chapters in Hebrew and 200 verses in Homer. I said my prayers and ate milk for breakfast. I danced my dance. My wife grew worse and after much trial and persuasion was let blood when it was too late. Captain Stith came about some [n-l] he said he lent my father 20 years ago. Mr. Rogers came also about Mrs. Parker's business. My wife grew very ill which made [me] weep for her. I ate roast mutton for dinner. In the afternoon my wife grew worse and voided a prodigious quantity of blood. I settled some accounts till the evening and then took a walk about the plantation. Before I returned my wife sent for me because she was very weak and soon after I came she was delivered of a false conception and then grew better. I sent for Mrs. Hamlin who came presently. I said my prayers and had good health, good thoughts, and good humor, thank God Al­mighty.

Feb. 5, 1712. 1 rose about 8 o'clock, my wife kept me so long in bed where I rogered her. I read nothing because I put my matters in order. I neglected to say my prayers but ate boiled milk for breakfast. My wife caused several of the people to be whipped for their laziness. I settled accounts and put several matters in order till dinner. I ate some boiled beef. In the afternoon I ordered my sloop to go to Colonel Eppes’ for some poplar trees for the Governor and then I went to visit Mrs. Harrison that I found in a small way. She entertained me with apples and bad wine and I stayed with her till evening and then I took a walk about my plantation. When I returned I learned Peter Poythress had been here. At night I read some Latin. I said my prayers and had good health, good thoughts, and good humor, thank God Almighty. I rogered my wife again.

March 2, 1712. ….I had a terrible quarrel with my wife concerning Jenny that I took away from her when she was beating her with the tongs. She lifted up her hands to strike me but forbore to do it. She gave me abundance of bad words and endeavored to strangle herself, but I believe in jest only. However after acting a mad woman a long time she was passive again. I ate some roast beef for dinner. In the afternoon Mr. G-r-1 went away and I took a walk about the plantation. At night we drank some cider by way of reconciliation and I read nothing. I said my prayers and had good health, good thoughts, and good humor, thank God Almighty.

September 3, 1712. I rose about 5 o'clock and read a chapter in Hebrew and some Greek in Herodian. I said my prayers and had milk and hominy for breakfast. The weather was exceed­ingly cold. My wife was pretty well and gave Prue a great whipping for several misdemeanors.